Valentines Day can be an especially difficult day if you have recently separated. Whether it is your weekend with the kids or you are home alone, here are some tips for making the day a little better.

• Remember it’s just ONE day:

There are going to a number of “firsts” that you are about to encounter, whether it is the first time you don’t see your child on their birthday, your first summer holiday as a single parent or even your first “date”. Its time to have a “half-full” view rather than “half-empty” and try to see these landmarks as the beginning of a new phase.

• Make it all about the kids:

If Valentine’s day is about love, then why not use this as an opportunity to show them you care – in this age of high tech and computer games, a card through the post from you, reminding them you love them and are looking forward to a fun half- term/ weekend would be a lovely surprise.

• Don’t stew at home:

Its all to easy to feel sorry for yourself, but there are others out there. Go to the pub, the gym, the rugby club or even go for a run. Plan ahead so that you know what you’ll be doing in advance

• Avoid romantic places:

Don't rub it in! Help yourself and avoid the fancy restaurants and love story films. The last thing you need is to be surrounded by couples.

Remember Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love, so celebrate with those people in your life that you love and that are always going to be there for you, your friends, family and kids. They will know its a difficult time and will be only too willing to provide support.

I am really delighted that Rayden Solicitors first ever quiz night managed to raise over £2,300 for the Alzheimers Society. The night was hosted by Rosie Glow who serenaded guests with "Asda in Poplar" over their fish and chips with various guests names being added to the lyrics. I was included and I do not think I could have turned a deeper shade of red!

We could not have raised so much for the Alzheimers without the support of local business who offered raffle prizes and also attended on the night. The support for the event has been overwhelming. Thank you.

http://www.raydensolicitors.co.uk/Home/News/January-2011/Press-Release-Quiz-Night-a-Success.aspx

Rayden Solicitors are delighted to confirm that the delightful Rosie Glow will be hosting our quiz night in support of the Alzheimers Society. Over one hundred guests from local firms and businesses will be joining us tomorrow night for our quiz with a twist at the Old Albanians Rugby Club. 

The Alzheimers Society is one close to our hearts here at Rayden Solicitors. They raise vital funds for research into dementia and support sufferers and their families both locally and nationally. We have had a fantastic response from the community in support of this event, including but not limited to the Saracens Rugby Club who have donated a whopping 10 tickets to see Saracens v Harlequins for the raffle, Barclays Bank and local businesses in St Albans including, Graphics Plus, Crabtree and Evelyn, Huttons, the Cookshop and Dixies Cupcakery.

Last week in Eastenders we saw Bianca Jackson tell Ricky Butcher that their marriage was over.  When marriages and relationships come to an end it is a very sad time for everybody concerned but where there are children of the family, care needs to be taken as to how the matter is dealt with and explained to them.  A primary issue should be agreeing contact arrangements to enable the children of the family to have ongoing contact with the non resident parent.

I was therefore shocked and saddened to see that Bianca simply told Ricky the marriage was over and that he had to leave the area because they both had to "move on".  When Ricky asked what would happen in relation to the children, Bianca callously replied that she would tell them that he had to go abroad to work again.  The whole focus of the conversation was about the impact of the breakdown of their marriage on each other with little regard to the impact on the children, what would happen in terms of their finances and ongoing financial support after Ricky left.  We then saw the whole family go with Ricky to the tube station to say goodbye without any proper explanation being given to the children as to why he was leaving or when they would see him again. 

The children of the family have had a difficult time in their short lives. Bianca and Ricky have previously been married and then divorced. This lead to Ricky not being a part of their lives. Years later Ricky and Bianca reconciled and Ricky became part of the family once again, only for him to be ordered out of their lives.  Children need consistency and stability and even if parent separate and/or divorce both parents should be able to have an ongoing role in the children’s lives and see them regularly. 

The script writers could have stage managed Ricky’s exit without losing any of the dramatic scenes but having featured a short discussion between the two main characters confirming that they would agree and implement a pattern of contact to allow the children to see Ricky on an ongoing basis.  Ricky would not have had to appear in the soap again but occasional reference could have been made to the children going to stay with him and having an ongoing relationship with him. 

It is time that soap operas took a responsible approach to divorce and separation where children are concerned and ensure that whatever acrimony exists between the parents does not impact on the children.  Resolution, the body that sets a code of conduct for family solicitors who are members, has long promoted leaflets and courses entitled "Parenting after Parting" which encourage parents to take a child focused approach to separation and divorce.  I think the script writers of all soap operas should attend one of these courses in the hope they learn and take away the importance of putting the needs of the children first to minimise the impact on them when relationships do come to an end.  For so long as soap operas continue to portray families splitting up and the children being treated as possessions belonging to one parent or the other. This will mean that some people will think it is acceptable to behave in this manner and it is not.

I hope in future that soap operas will begin to take a more responsible approach to what happens to the children of a family on divorce because I am sure that everyone would agree that minimising the impact of divorce/separation on children should be everybody’s main focus.

I was intrigued to read that the number of divorces in England and Wales has increased for the first time in seven years. The Office for National Statistics (the ONS) has recently announced that divorce figures have risen by 4.9% from 113,949 divorces in 2009 to 119,589 divorces in 2010.

The ONS has confirmed that the largest bracket affected was the 40-44 age-group, meaning that a third of couples married in 1995 will divorce before their 15th anniversary.

This increase could be a delayed consequence of the 2008 financial crisis and the resulting recession, as arguments between spouses over money and job prospects caused more marriages to fail. The delay being attributable to the time required for the divorce process as for many divorcing couples, post- separation there is a period of negotiation to resolve the parties' finances through agreement or through the courts before applying for decree absolute. Couples may have also put off divorce during the difficult economic climate in a bid to see their assets increase in value, or held off as they simply could not afford to divorce.

An increase has also been noted in recent times in those divorcing in the over 60 age bracket. This age-group have been dubbed the 'silver splitters.' The mere fact that there is now a term to encapsulate this group is demonstrative of its growth. It is clear to me, however, that the increase here is indicative in many ways of a social revolution. 60 is no longer 'old' as in previous generations. Improved fitness and health means that new horizons are open to this age group and many are open to change, which, in many instances, means a new partner.

Dissolutions of civil partnership also increased in 2010, but this is understandable because of the relatively new status of civil partnerships and therefore the numbers of those entering such partnerships has increased in recent years.

From the divorces recorded in 2010, the wife is the predominant Petitioner, with two-thirds of decrees granted to the wife. The most common fact was unreasonable behaviour, proven in 55% of cases brought by the wife, and in 35% of claims by the husband.

Given the increased financial pressure on couples and families in recent years it is no surprise that divorce rates have increased slightly however I believe that the general trend is once of decreasing divorces. The figure for 2010 (although up on 2009's statistics) is still greatly reduced from the 2003 level of 153,065 divorces.

It will, however, be interesting to see what next year's statistics reveal. Watch this space!